One thing that most of us girls will experience in their young adult life is a serious dumping. The kind that you thought would never happen and that you never saw coming, but was inevitable when you asked the simple question, "where do I stand?".
This seems to have become a recurring trend for me recently and it ends in the same way each time. Nevertheless, each time is still different. Each time you feel differently about the person you were dating. Maybe you never really saw a true future for the two of you but it was nice to feel wanted. Or maybe you thought you had found your soulmate but he thought the two of you were completely incompatible. It doesn't matter if you dated for two weeks, two months, or two years, how you feel about the end of the relationship should be embraced (for a small period of time).
Here I have contrived a Step-by-Step guide of how I have (or am trying to) overcome the end of my relationship:
Step 1:
The first minute you split, whether you broke up with them or they broke it off with you, let your emotions out. There and then. It may not be wise to burst into tears over dinner or whatever, but then again it isn't necessarily wise to dump someone over dinner. Or anywhere in public for that matter.
For me, I've always been dumped by a message. Which isn't as bad as it sounds actually. This way, I am in the comfort of my own home and he doesn't have to see me breakdown in front of him. (Score!) But after my last split, I didn't feel the urge to cry or throw my phone across the room straight away, I kind of knew it was going to happen and honestly, his excuse or reasoning was kind of shabby and I didn't believe it. But it definitely helps to cry for maybe ten minutes if you need it when in the moment. If you are out in public, try to excuse yourself to the bathroom to compose yourself so you can go back out there fighting. You got it girl! (*wink face emoji*)
Step 2:
After you have gotten the 'in the moment' tears or emotions out the way, you can focus on the next thing you are probably asking yourself. WHY?! So he may have given a reason or not in letting you go and it's definitely okay to look into it or ask him about it. One time I was dumped by a guy, he didn't tell me why, he just told me in a text that he didn't see anything serious was going to come of our relationship and didn't see it going anywhere. Which personally I think is quite an excuse for a couple whose age adds up to 40. Nonetheless, I didn't pry because I didn't really feel a 'spiritual' connection or whatever and I wasn't that into him by the point he ended things. My last 'breakup' though was much more informative for me. He told how he didn't think we had much in common (total bullshit if you ask me) and had been in a relationship before that which was similar. And now all I have to say to him is all these questions that start with WHY? Like, why did you not tell me for so long? Why did you deceive me and let me fall in love with you and treat me the way you did if it wasn't going anywhere? Why did you do all these things to just leave?
You maybe feeling the same way and asking yourself these same questions because all we want to know is the truth. I feel like I didn't even get that. Anyway, my point is for step two, is that if you feel like you can talk about these issues with your partner (or ex-partner should I say :/) because you are mature enough to then you should do it because it might be able to aid you. It can help you get a clearer understanding of why the two of you never worked out and you might even be able to overcome these issues and be together again in the future.
Step 3:
You know when your friends hear about your relationship ending, and they say something along the lines of, "We should go out!" or "Let's get drunk tonight, that'll make you feel better" or even if it's purely innocent like "I'll come over and check you're okay", you don't have to do ANY of those things. Honestly, you may feel like you want to hit the club in a couple of days, a week, or even a month from now which is a good thing (and something I discuss more in Step 4) but for now, like right now, you probably want to be alone. If you're like me, you will want to bury yourself in blankets and spend your time with the two most important men in your life, Ben & Jerry.
You're gonna watch the whole Sex and the City boxset in a day, listen to the complete Taylor Swift discography and bake brownies all afternoon. You will need a day like this. But I have to be honest with you, only make this ONE day. (Or two if you really need it). Refrain from making it last up to a week because it will slowly become a routine which will not help your lifestyle. But do make sure you do a duvet day, a day to completely indulge yourself and to love yourself. Take a bath, buy some new makeup or those new jeans you've been eyeing up all week, watch Titanic or Moulin Rouge on repeat and eat an entire apple pie for breakfast.
Step 4:
Like I said, be careful not to indulge yourself for the rest of your life and become a hermit. You will need to get out of your blanket nest eventually and start concentrating your energy on people who make time for you. This is where the Single Girls Night Out becomes a routine Friday night into town. If you drink, this is gonna help you. Trust me. You will have probably found that you didn't drink as heavily when you were dating so when you go out with the gals, you are going to get drunk much more rapidly. And heavily. As long as your friends are there to help you into the cab afterwards, it should be a good night out. Mostly because you won't remember much. But remember that spending time with your friends doesn't necessarily mean getting wasted every weekend. You may find that even a window shopping trip into town is just as refreshing, or going to get your brows done was a weight lifted. Your friends will try and help you to be 'you' again, as in the fun you who didn't cry in a ball of pillows every night because a boy never loved her.
Step 5:
Spend time with your family. I find that my mum is the most inspirational woman to me in the world so when it comes to 'sad me' due to the fault of a man, my mum is there to get me through. If you don't live with your 'rents anymore then go pay your family a visit, take a day off work and surprise them because they will be more than happy to see you. Most of the time I don't have to tell my mum what's up, all I need is a hug from her and I immediately feel uplifted. If you're not so much a mummy's girl then I'm sure your dad might be of some help. Though he could end up at your ex's front door with an air rifle.
Step 6:
This sort of follows on from Step 3 however rather than indulging yourself in luxury with chocolate and alcohol, you should take the next step to 'self help'. These kind of things will help you to explore your own mind and to free yourself of your anxieties for a while. You can take a trip by yourself, maybe just drive to the beach and read a book, or even book a flight to Thailand. Things like meditating, yoga, pilates and exercise help you to become a better person, physically and mentally. You're more than likely to feel much more positive in your mind and body after taking up some kind of work out or meditation within a couple of weeks. Plus this is something that you can do even after you've moved on and it also helps to combat other stresses in your life, like if you are moving home or grieving, or in the future with pre-wedding or prenatal nerves. This is the most important time to focus on you, being you, improving you, for you. (Very 'Eat Pray Love'.)
